Observations
Psychology is the science of understanding how people think, feel, behave and learn. Collectively, this is the functional domain of the mind – which is not the same thing as the brain: a single, identifiable, physical organ.
Psychological trauma describes damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a distressing event – often the result of an overwhelming stress that exceeds a person’s ability to cope. Trauma can create symptoms ranging from short-term anxiety to long-term behavioural anomalies.
My approach to behavioural disruption, and my qualifications for that work, are of the “chicken soup” variety however, working for over 20 years with hundreds of Business Families has provided many opportunities to observe how real people actually think, feel, behave and learn – and the practical consequences for them, their families, their friends, employees, and businesses.
Practical consequences demand practical responses.
Personal emotional traumas causing long-term, disruptive behaviours are a common cause of conflict amongst Business Families. Most of their traumas can be tracked back to some or several of a number of life-altering catalysts:
- Accidental: unforeseen and uncontrollable events, eg: vehicle accident.
- Economic: recession, depression, financial disaster.
- Socio-political: social unrest, revolution, invasion, or war.
- Social: breakdown of a cherished relationship; loss of an ally’s support.
- Medical: diagnosis of a serious illness with major health consequences.
- Environmental: fire, flood, famine, drought, pestilence.
- Domestic: violent or abusive homes; absent, broken, inadequate or misguided parenting; lack of emotional intelligence or support.
All forms of trauma can lead to disruptive and destructive behaviours that manifest as poor personal performance and lead to abusive or dysfunctional relationships.
Although these may be countenanced in a family context, they’re seriously unacceptable in business, especially when they involve key personnel, and get in the way of completing important tasks.
Solution
Face Reality: Find courage and be honest. This is the first, and by far the most important response required. It’s also one of the hardest things a parent can be asked to do, as a parent – especially those who usually consider themselves “bulletproof”. Parents are often extremely reluctant to accept that one of their adult children has a mental health problem. But, when a family member’s poor behaviours are having serious impacts on others, on the family, and/or on the business, somebody has to own the problem and help to initiate a solution.
If the misbehaving individual has suffered genuine emotional trauma, they almost certainly can’t, and most certainly won’t, fix the problem by themselves.
It’s not about you. Don’t allow personal guilt, embarrassment, or an excess of protectionism to hide reality and get in the way of the required response – failing to address bad behaviours in adults only reinforces those behaviours, much as it does in small children. Unless the trauma reverses itself, which is highly unlikely, extended acquiescence to bad behaviours turns them into entrenched, and seemingly accepted, bad habits. Then they’re even harder to change.
Get expert help (1) – Medical/Psych. You’re dealing with a medical (mental health) condition that requires medical, or at least behavioural expertise, preferably from an experienced, objective, external professional whose sympathies won’t be stirred, and whose judgement won’t be affected, by relationship considerations.
Get expert help (2) – Business Skills. You may also be dealing with a situation exacerbated by the family member’s lack of training, experience, skills, or confidence. In addition to therapeutic measures, consider engaging an executive coach to address skills needs, in parallel with whatever work is to be done on the mental health front.
Diagnose and prescribe, in context. Because there’s a business involved, we’re not able to apply ordinary therapeutic methodologies or timeframes, as that could extend to “rest of life” care.
From the outset, the diagnosis must consider business, as well as patient needs, if the family member has a significant role in the business, or significant influence over decisions that affect the business. This may require a decision such as: “if we can’t enable Flossie to participate constructively in business activities within say, 3 months, we will apply normal HR procedures to terminate her employment. We will then support her “rehabilitation” as a private, family-driven project.”
Future Inclusion. If Flossie recovers well enough to return to the business at some future time, she should be welcome to apply to return, in some suitable capacity, according to the standard rules for family employment. In the meantime, the business can get on with being a business to generate income for the family to fund its efforts to deal with things like Flossie’s illness, and other issues.