Welcome to another episode of Family Business Makes No Sense, where we explore why mixing a family with a business almost guarantees conflict — and what you can do to prevent, minimise, or resolve it.
As the attached document puts it:
“Because family and business are such naturally opposing concepts, they will inevitably find themselves in conflict… at some time or perhaps at many times.”
Today’s topic is one of the most powerful tools for preventing and resolving conflict — and one of the most common missing ingredients in dysfunctional family businesses:
Cause #12: Empathy (or the Lack of It)
Empathy is the foundation of emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, trust, communication, and healthy relationships. When empathy is missing, conflict becomes almost unavoidable. When empathy is present, conflict becomes manageable — even constructive.
This episode explores:
- what empathy actually is
- why lack of empathy creates conflict
- how empathy transforms family business dynamics
- how to build and use empathy to prevent and resolve conflict
Why Empathy Matters in Family Business
I’m John Kenfield, the Family Business Solutionist, broadcasting from Melbourne, Australia. After decades working with business families, one truth is unavoidable:
“The vast majority of family conflicts are not about money… they’re about relationship breakdowns, broken promises, unmet expectations.”
Money is usually just the presenting issue. The real causes lie deeper — in emotions, perceptions, and relationships.
That’s why empathic problem solving is almost always more effective than:
- legal threats
- emotional blackmail
- rational arguments
Empathy is the engine that makes problem solving work.
What Empathy Actually Is
Empathy is often misunderstood. It’s not softness. It’s not weakness. It’s not indulgence. It’s not “being nice.”
Empathy is the ability to:
- understand another person’s feelings
- appreciate their perspective
- recognise their history
- respond constructively to what you learn
The attached document uses the old Cherokee saying:
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his moccasins.”
In modern terms: walk a mile in their shoes.
Empathy is the ability to understand why someone behaves the way they do — not just react to the behaviour itself.
The Four Components of Empathy
The document breaks empathy into four critical components:
1. Cognition — Understanding
“Being aware intellectually of what’s going on with another person.”
This is the mental recognition that someone’s behaviour has a backstory.
2. Emotional Availability — Connecting
“You have to be emotionally available… if you are emotionally closed, you’re going to find it very difficult to connect.”
If you shut down emotionally, others shut down too.
3. Compassion — Caring
“If we basically couldn’t give a **** about what happens to the other person… we’re not going to be able to establish much in the way of empathic connection.”
Compassion is the desire for a good outcome for everyone, not just yourself.
4. Active Response — Doing
“If you have a great meeting but it doesn’t result in an action plan… it’s just been hot air.”
Empathy must lead to action — otherwise it’s just sentiment.
How Lack of Empathy Creates Conflict
The consequences of low empathy are severe. The attached document explains:
“That will almost certainly feed into a corresponding response which is going to reduce respect… reduce confidence… reduce trust… reduce performance.”
Low empathy leads to:
- poor communication
- misunderstandings
- resentment
- low morale
- poor decision‑making
- stalled succession
- entrenched conflict
Succession is particularly vulnerable:
“A lack of empathy… will mean the slightest speed bump turns into a brick wall.”
Without empathy, succession becomes a battlefield.
Why Empathy Is Essential in Family Business
Family business is more complex than a normal business — and more complex than a normal family.
The document explains:
“We’ve thrown the two together and that’s going to create complexity to the power of two or perhaps much more.”
Empathy is the glue that holds the system together.
Without empathy:
- family members misinterpret each other
- leaders misunderstand successors
- successors misread founders
- siblings misjudge siblings
- spouses misread in‑laws
- staff misinterpret family dynamics
With empathy, all of these relationships become easier, clearer, and more constructive.
How to Build Empathy (Practical Tools)
The attached document provides a powerful set of techniques for developing empathy.
1. Active Listening
“Demonstrate an interest… reinforce that you can hear and understand and validate what they’re trying to say.”
Listening is the foundation of empathy.
2. Ask Questions
“By far the more powerful thing… is ask lots of questions.”
Questions reveal needs, interests, fears, and motivations.
3. Develop Emotional Intelligence
Empathy grows naturally when EQ grows.
4. Perspective‑Taking Exercises
One of the most effective tools:
“Ask them to sit in somebody else’s chair… present the other person’s argument… the penny drops.”
This technique can transform a negotiation in seconds.
5. Be Authentic
“You’ve got to be genuine… empathy has left the room if people think you’re playing a game.”
Empathy requires sincerity.
6. Avoid Assumptions
“Assume makes an *** of you and me.”
Assumptions kill empathy.
7. Learn from the Best
Study people who connect well with others — and copy their techniques.
8. Practice Mindfulness and Reflection
These build emotional openness and reduce reactivity.
How Empathy Prevents and Resolves Conflict
Empathy:
- reduces emotional heat
- increases trust
- improves communication
- reveals underlying needs
- dissolves misunderstandings
- accelerates problem solving
- strengthens relationships
- makes succession smoother
- makes agreements more durable
Empathy is not optional. It is essential.
Final Thoughts
Empathy is the foundation of all effective emotional responses — and emotional responses are the foundation of all effective family business conflict resolution.
If you build empathy, you reduce conflict. If you use empathy, you resolve conflict. If you teach empathy, you prevent conflict.
