Family Business Makes No Sense — so let’s talk about it.
This series explores the fundamental idea that family and business are such oppositional concepts that mixing them almost guarantees conflict. As the attached document puts it:
“Family and business are such fundamentally different concepts with such oppositional success factors… you are inevitably going to have some conflict further down the line.”
Today’s episode focuses on one of the most powerful — and most misunderstood — drivers of family business conflict:
Cause #10: Mindsets
Mindsets shape how people think, feel, behave, interpret events, respond to challenges, and interact with others. In family business, they can make or break relationships, succession processes, and the long‑term viability of the enterprise.
And most importantly, mindsets can be changed — even when personality cannot.
Why Mindsets Matter in Family Business
I’m John Kenfield, the Family Business Solutionist, broadcasting from Melbourne, Australia. After decades working with families in business, one truth stands out:
“The vast majority of family conflicts are not about money… they’re usually much more likely to do with damaged relationships and a lack of sense of fairness.”
Because conflict is emotional, not financial, it responds far better to empathic problem solving than to:
- legal threats
- logical arguments
- emotional blackmail
Mindsets sit at the heart of this emotional machinery.
What Is a Mindset?
To understand mindsets, we turn to Professor Carol Dweck of Stanford University, whose work revolutionised the field. The attached document quotes her:
“A mindset is an individual’s private compilation of attitudes, beliefs and ways of thinking… It shapes their perceptions, feelings, behaviors… and their approach to life in general.”
Mindsets influence:
- how we perceive challenges
- how we handle setbacks
- how we grow
- how we build or damage relationships
Dweck’s core distinction is simple:
Growth Mindset
- Believes improvement is possible
- Sees challenges as opportunities
- Embraces learning
- Adapts readily
Fixed Mindset
- Believes abilities are static
- Avoids challenges
- Resists change
- Protects the status quo
Neither is inherently “bad,” but each produces very different behaviours — especially under pressure.
Mindsets in Family Business: A More Detailed Lens
For conflict resolution, we need more nuance than just “growth” vs “fixed.” The attached document expands the concept into a range of mindsets commonly seen in family business environments.
Here are the most important ones.
Adversarial Mindset
“People who’ve got adversarial mindsets who just always seem to be looking for a fight.”
These individuals thrive on conflict. They escalate tension, resist compromise, and often derail discussions.
Oppositional Mindset
“They’re looking to disagree with anything anybody else says.”
Not aggressive — just contrary. They block progress by reflexively resisting ideas.
Entitlement Mindset
“Expectations created during childhood… play out in the adult arena as entitlement.”
Often rooted in parenting styles, this mindset leads individuals to believe they deserve rewards regardless of merit.
Resentful Mindset
“They spend their time counting their regrets.”
These individuals carry unresolved emotional baggage. Their resentment colours every interaction.
Solution Mindset
“They want to create solutions… they get off on creating solutions.”
Positive, proactive — but sometimes prone to creating problems just so they can solve them.
Abundance vs Scarcity Mindset
Abundance:
“There’s more than enough to go around… we should be happy about sharing our toys.”
Scarcity:
“There’s never going to be enough… I need massive savings… I don’t take risks.”
These mindsets profoundly shape financial decisions, succession planning, and family negotiations.
Augmenter vs Diminisher
Augmenter:
“Takes every opportunity to make things better for everybody.”
Diminisher:
“Sucks the joy… out of people and situations.”
Diminishers often act from insecurity or resentment.
Entrepreneur Mindset
“Doesn’t have a rear vision mirror… drives forward… leaves a path of destruction behind.”
High drive, low sensitivity — often brilliant, often chaotic.
Steward vs Owner Mindset
Steward:
“Self‑effacing… wants to look after whatever they’ve got and improve it for the benefit of others.”
Owner:
“I made it, it’s mine… I don’t have to give it to anybody, no matter what I promised.”
The owner mindset is one of the most dangerous in succession.
Collaborator vs Competitor
Collaborator:
- Shares responsibility
- Builds teams
- Values harmony
Competitor:
- Must win
- Must lead
- Must dominate
Competitors often struggle in family environments requiring cooperation.
Why Mindsets Cause Conflict
Mindsets drive behaviour. Behaviour drives conflict.
When someone’s mindset is:
- adversarial
- entitled
- resentful
- competitive
- scarcity‑driven
- oppositional
…their behaviour becomes disruptive.
The attached document explains:
“If we accurately identify what we’ve got and then massage it somewhere else… we can change mindset. And if we change mindset… we will change behaviors.”
This is the key: you don’t need to change the person — you only need to change the behaviour.
How to Change Mindsets (and Resolve Conflict)
1. Understand the person’s history
Mindsets often originate in childhood.
“Family business conflict is often something that’s erupted after living underground for a great many years.”
Unpack the story. Identify triggers. Understand the emotional roots.
2. Deconstruct the conflict
The document describes this vividly:
“Spread the entrails over the table… fossick through the entrails… identify the trigger points.”
Break the conflict into components. Examine each one separately.
3. Reconstruct with a new mindset
Use current adult perspectives to reinterpret past events.
“Take a current perspective on a past event… eliminate it… surgically remove it from the family dynamic mix.”
This dissolves old resentments.
4. Build positive mindsets early
For future generations:
“We really need to be present in their lives… build emotional intelligence, emotional resilience, collaboration.”
Train children early to become effective adults — especially if they may enter the business.
5. Use mediation when needed
A skilled mediator can shift mindsets from:
- negative → positive
- conflict → cooperation
- past → future
This is often essential in entrenched disputes.
Final Thoughts
Mindsets are powerful. They shape behaviour, relationships, conflict, and the future of the family business. But unlike personality, mindsets can be changed — and changing them can transform a family business almost overnight.
