(Why families lose businesses when they don’t agree where they’re going together)
“For want of a nail the shoe was lost…” — Proverb
Reframed for family enterprise:
“For want of a Plan the Family was lost,
For want of a Family the Business was lost,
And all for the want of a Family Plan.”
— Solutionist proverb
The Modern Context: Why Planning Matters More in 2025/26
Family businesses are working hard to survive in an environment that still feels unstable: economic uncertainty after the pandemic, cost of living pressures, geopolitical disruption, and a growing urgency around succession as older leaders reach the limits of energy, health, and time.
In difficult times, family enterprises often outperform corporate competitors. Patient capital and long-term commitment can become a strategic advantage.
But there are two very different ways to respond to pressure:
The defensive approach: “Play not to lose”
This mindset is driven by fear and uncertainty. Leaders focus on protecting what they have, waiting for conditions to improve, and cutting costs to reduce immediate risk.
If the business is already lean, this typically reduces capability and competitiveness. Culture suffers. Good people disengage or leave. Innovation dies.
“Playing not to lose” often becomes a slow-motion self-fulfilling prophecy.
The proactive approach: “Build a better boat”
This mindset is driven by possibility. Leaders keep clarity of purpose, communicate it, and rally their teams to improve position while competitors retreat.
Over time, businesses that invest in strategy and capability through downturns tend to emerge stronger: more resilient, more trusted by customers, and more united as a team.
The difference between these two approaches is rarely luck. It is planning.
Hope Isn’t Strategy — Plans Are
“Hope is not a strategy” is one of the most useful truths in family enterprise.
Strategy is where values and vision are translated into long-term goals and direction. It’s the big picture.
Action planning turns that direction into tasks, timelines, responsibilities, budgets, and review processes so progress can be measured—rather than guessed at.
Plans do something that families constantly underestimate: they reduce uncertainty.
And uncertainty destroys families and businesses by undermining:
- clarity
- certainty
- commitment
- confidence
When people don’t know what’s happening, what’s supposed to happen, or what role they’re expected to play, they don’t feel empowered. They feel:
- disrespected
- nervous about making mistakes
- suspicious of rivals
- resentful about hidden agendas
This is how a lack of planning quietly turns into conflict.
The “Getting Stuff Done” Problem
Most family business conflict, at its core, is a breakdown in execution: tasks don’t get completed, responsibilities are unclear, or accountability is inconsistent—especially for protected family members.
To make anything happen, groups need a simple sequence:
- Agree the goal (clarity)
- Build the plan (certainty)
- Assign responsibility (commitment)
- Do the doing (execution)
Families and businesses fail when they skip steps, or when everyone assumes “someone else will handle it.”
The Four Stages of Follow-Through
A useful way to think about execution is as four progressive requirements:
1) Motivate
Motivation comes from an attractive plan people can see themselves in. Motivation is not a speech. It’s the internal buy-in that says: “Yes, I want to be part of this.”
2) Activate
Start doing something. Momentum defeats inertia. Most plans fail because they never truly begin.
Activation requires one clear owner—someone with authority to start, push, and coordinate.
3) Implement
Working the plan requires discipline, authority, and accountability. Good intentions don’t substitute for consistent follow-through.
4) Execute
Finish what was started. Completion matters because unfinished work corrodes trust, drains morale, and inflames resentment.
The “Three Strikes” Rule
A surprisingly common trigger of conflict is a family member repeatedly failing to complete tasks—without consequences—because of their protected status.
In a disciplined enterprise, the enterprise is bigger than the individual.
A reasonable standard is:
- Fail once: learn, adjust, try again
- Fail twice: deeper analysis, support, clearer accountability
- Fail three times: step aside, reassign, or reconsider role fit
This approach is not cruel. It is a values-based expression of compassion and performance at the same time.
What a Family Plan Actually Is
A Family Plan is the family equivalent of business strategy: a shared roadmap for long-term success and sustainability across generations.
It clarifies:
- individual values and visions
- family values and vision
- long-term goals
- roles, responsibilities, and expectations
- how the family will steward shared assets (including the business)
- how the family will handle succession and next generation engagement
Many business families don’t have one. Instead they have:
- private plans in people’s heads
- assumptions and vague promises
- unspoken entitlement beliefs
- conflicting expectations
Plans that aren’t written, shared, agreed, and adopted are practically useless. They don’t guide. They don’t align. They don’t protect anyone when pressure rises.
Why Lack of a Plan Creates Conflict
It’s rare to see a family with an agreed, living Family Plan fall into serious destructive conflict—because a plan usually includes:
- a process for making decisions
- a forum for resolving issues
- agreed expectations and boundaries
- clarity about who does what
Conversely, many families in conflict are dealing with the aftermath of:
- a revered leader losing capacity
- a leader dying without leaving clear guidance
- informal, undocumented agreements
- decision-making by habit instead of governance
For want of a plan, families can lose both the family and the business—the exact outcome the founder never intended.
The Only Real Solution: Make a Plan
The solution to not having a plan is not wishing harder. It is planning harder.
Wishing is easy. Planning requires:
- effort
- honesty
- discipline
- participation
- willingness to face reality
The family needs:
- a Family Plan
- and a separate Business Plan
They should speak to each other, but neither should be allowed to dominate the other.
The Family Plan Workshop
A Family Plan process is a structured method to clarify values, align long-term visions, convert them into goals, and translate those goals into coordinated action.
Done well, it also strengthens relationships, improves communication, and helps families move out of vague hope and into shared purpose.
Who should be involved
Each family must decide. In many cases it is wise to include:
- spouses and partners
- adult next generation members
- key bloodline representatives
In-laws can bring useful perspective and realism. Younger generations often navigate emotional and financial blockages with surprising ease because they’re less attached to old fears and scripts.
A Practical Structure for Family Planning
1) Values: personal and collective
Values shape how people behave and decide. Each person identifies their values across:
- personal life
- professional life
- family life
- social/community life
Then the family agrees its shared values—what the family stands for, and why.
This becomes the ethical foundation for everything that follows.
2) Personal visions and current reality audit
Each person evaluates key areas of life (career, finances, relationships, health, learning, contribution, lifestyle) and defines:
- what matters
- what is currently true
- what they want in 10 years
- what needs to change now, soon, and later
This step creates clarity and reduces hidden agendas.
3) Family vision and roles
Each person presents their view of:
- what the family should look like in 5, 10, and 25 years
- their current role in the family
- the role they hope to have in the future
- what relationships need to improve, and how
This shifts the group from individual thinking to collective thinking.
4) Action planning
The family defines:
- what must happen in the next 12 months
- what must happen in the next 5 years
- who is responsible for what
- what resources are needed
- how progress will be reviewed and measured
Plans become real when they are owned, resourced, and reviewed.
What a Good Family Plan Produces
A strong Family Plan creates:
- a shared future direction
- clearer roles and expectations
- stronger cohesion and communication
- a framework for governance and succession
- coordinated actions across generations
- greater confidence and reduced conflict risk
Most importantly, it replaces ambiguity with alignment.
If your family business feels reactive, unclear, or stuck in cycles of repeated conflict, you may not have a personality problem — you may have a planning problem.
A Family Plan creates clarity, reduces suspicion, improves accountability, and gives the family a way to move forward together.
Part of the series: “Family Business Makes No Sense” — Causes of Conflict and What to Do About Them.
Taken from the up coming book:
Making Sense of “Family Business”
(60 Common Causes of Family Business Conflict, and how to deal with them)
